Perfect Is Overrated

I have had the hardest time finding the words to express what I want to say lately. I have sat looking at a blank page for literally 4 weeks now.

I kept asking myself, “why is this so hard?” I have never had a hard time expressing myself, yet I kept being met with such resistance to saying what was on my mind and in my heart. I could feel the words sitting in my throat, the tightness, sometimes the pain (sore throats) and yet I couldn’t find the words.

I almost shut down the computer again today because it just wasn’t flowing…..then it hit me, I’m sitting in fear. Fear of saying my truth, fear of being judged, fear of showing I don’t have it all together, fear of finally accepting that it’s OKAY to not have it all together, big FEAR, so here it goes.

I have been trying to be perfect. Yes I said it, perfect! The perfect mom, the perfect business woman, the perfect wife, daughter, leader, and I CAN’T do it anymore! I'm Exhausted!

I don’t know where along the way I got it in my head that I needed to please everyone ALL the time before myself or how I got it in my head that I needed to be perfect…...I’m the first one to tell people there is no such thing, so how did I get so lost?

I had to sit with this for a while and it was 100% a spiralling effect. Here is how it started, and I tell you this because I want others to stay aware so they can help themselves too. Having my daughter in March rocked my world, she is incredible and I couldn’t love both of my babies more, I’m so blessed, they are my world, but if I’m being really honest I feel like I lost a bit of myself in the process. My identity. Who was I anymore outside of being a mom? I noticed I was having a problem with what they call the baby blues, (I haven't shared this with anyone but a few people, so vulnerable moment here) I figured it would just pass once my hormones calmed down etc...but it didn't, it just continued to get worse. I was having moments of such sadness, my anxiety was getting more intense, (causing mild panic attacks), and I was crying WAY more then normal. I'm very aware of my mental state at all times as I have a history of depression and anxiety so I knew something wasn't right, I could feel these shifts in my mind and body that something was off.

I then started looking at what everyone else was doing (I was lost) because this was easier then me having to deal with looking inward and figuring out my own crap (hello, resistance). I found myself in big time comparison mode, looking at how other moms were parenting and managing motherhood and life or how my business partners were leading and finding myself sinking into negative self talk, feeling like I just wasn't good enough. Then mom guilt crept in like a nasty monster......it was literally like my mind said "oh good she's feeling down, now's our chance, lay it on thick." but thats a whole other blog post!

So why do we do this to ourselves? Is it all ego?

Well here is the thing, and this took me some time to figure out so I want to share it with you. Who gives a shit what every other mom, business owner, leader, friend, etc.....are doing. YOU DO YOU! Plain and simple. Yes it really is that easy, but SO hard to see when you are in it! It took me until last month to figure this one out! haha

The way you parent, lead your business, and live your life is what is right for you so just stay in your power, and in alignment with what makes you happy on a soul level and you will always be successful. As soon as you try and step into "trying" to do what everyone else is doing it won't work, its NOT YOU! People see right through it and honestly it just feels icky.

For those of you reading this who may need support as well, first and foremost know you are not alone. I'm still working on it, and always will be, my anxiety isn't ever going to just disappear but here is what I 100% know.

1. Being able to recognize when you're feeling anxious or depressed in massive, stay tuned into your body and mind.

2. Be gentle with yourself and show yourself some massive love

3. Do what makes YOU happy - big or small everyday - self care is huge

4. Sleep, this is a big one. I'm definitely not getting enough since I have a 9 week old so I try to remember that I'm tired and when you're tired things can feel worse then they are.

5. Talk to someone. Always have a support system around you.

6. Use a whole lot of essential oils! :) My go to for instant relief - these babies helped me through a dark time a few years ago and have supported me everyday since. (Blog post coming on my top recommendations)

I'll leave you with this, it's OKAY to not do it all, we're not meant to.

BIG LOVE XO

- A